Long Winded Explainations

I've found that in the early morning hours, normally after the 3am mark, conversation becomes more.. personal, fearless and open. During one of these conversations at work one of my co-workers blindsided me with this statement -

"Just because you have an anchor tattooed on your foot doesn't mean you've changed your nature"

And I thought "he's right"
Shit


He also asked why I'm here.
Meaning: Why am I in Arizona?
Why Tempe?
Why this job?

Valid questions.
One I get asked a lot actually.

1) I've lived poor before. I've lived poor often. There was the year I was saving for school in Ireland. I worked doubles at a restaurant and lived off the bread dipped in salad dressing from there. Or the year I got back from Ireland and came home completely broke. Or the summer I spent in Utah. Or the year I got back from Hawaii, once again completely broke. (see a pattern?) Living paycheck to paycheck sucks. Traveling is expensive. Staying in one place is expensive. And I don't have the cushion of rich parents. There's no safety net if shit goes bad.Mommy and Daddy don't have a way to fly me home. I learned that the hard way when living in Hawaii turned south.

2) 2 years ago I met this fabulous wandering soul. Let's call her Carol. Carol worked under me at a entry level job that payed 12 dollars an hour. Which worked for me because I was twenty one. Carol was mid forty's. Carol and I instantly bonded. She had lived a fascinating life. At one point she was a truck driver just so she could reach her goal of seeing all fifty states. But she was also a huge neon warning sign for me. Because as enviable her early life was, now she was a forty year old women with a kid, a husband she didn't like and a job working under a cocky twenty year old. She was miserable. More miserable then me. Which was a lot. I told myself never to forget Carol, or the lesson she taught me. I'm not going to be her.

3) This one pains me to admit. I like to think of myself as a strong, fearless female. Which I mostly am. Unless it involves spiders or meeting the boyfriends parents. But there is the reality that a female alone in a foreign country is...well... dangerous. While a male can run into the same problems as a lonely female, they aren't as likely to be seen as a target. Women are cast into the victim role a lot easier. And after two bad experiences while traveling by myself... I decided not to tempt fate anymore. So when I travel again it will be with someone, or through school, or through a job. Something with a friend or a network of people.

4) And why Arizona? Why this job? I've seen a lot of the U.S. It's beautiful. But nothing I've seen so far had any pull on me to live there the way living abroad does. So why not here? I've got friends here, and I love my job. It's a rare combination of enjoying what I do and getting paid really well. So why not?

There, all my reasoning and excuses tied up in one nice neat bundle.

Bottom line though?
If I win the lottery - gone
If someone wants to join me - gone baby gone