Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Science of Sleep And Me

I'm a big fan of sleep.
My deep love of naps is epic sonnet material.

But I don't actually sleep all that much. Maybe it's because I'm such a fan of naps. For the last three years in fact I've done most of my sleeping in four hour sets. Partly its because there is just too much to see and soo much to do. And read. And watch.

But just because I ignore you sleep, doesn't mean I don' t love you. I mean, don't I buy you nice things like expensive pillows, super soft foam pads. Remember the amazing blanket I bought for you in Mexico? I may ignore you but at least I buy you presents.

Also, Sleeping WITH people is interesting to me. Yes, I'm talking about actually sleeping.

When I was in junior high I met the Taylors. Mckenna and Mel... two sisters who shared all my secrets and jokes and love. When we would do sleepovers, which was at least once a week, we slept three to a bed because we couldn't bear to be seperated. Most of the time Jewels would join us too. So three girls side by side in a queen sized bed, and little Mel laying the opposite way on our feet. Even though I'm from a big family I had never slept in that close of quarters before. I loved it. I remember falling asleep whispering secrets mid sentance. Waking up and actually feeling someone else's physical warmth next to you. It was peaceful. I've always liked people. And I loved those girls.

Those summers were spent at beach houses. With the Garrards and my family. Austin and I would spend all day together and when night fell, we would talk until our voices gave out. I'd sleep on the couch and him on the floor next to me. Occasionally he'd pull me off the couch and we'd wrestle for the couch while trying to keep our giggles and shrieks quiet so we would wake any of the other mass of kids that were sleeping on the floor with us. But eventually we'd quiet down, and that's when I first learned that in the darkness and safety of the night people will share things that never see the light of day.

Then I was in high school. And there were boys. And boyfriends. Kissing and relationships were new and exciting. Then one day while watching a movie I fell asleep while curled up in a boys arms. For the first time in years there was no nightmares.

I was hooked.

That's probably when I fell in love with naps. Falling asleep while in someone's arm was like a drug. A few years later I learned sleeping next to someone wasn't all sunshine. Years later and miles down the road, I was in a Reservation Road Relationship. It was bad. I remember not being able to sleep and looking down at him. Realizing that I couldn't touch him while he slept. Not emotionally anyway. That while he slept and I was in the waking world we were apart. Nothing I could do would affect him. How lonely that was. Then realizing that even when we were both awake together.. that there was no way to touch him. That awake or asleep, we were in different worlds.

I chose to sleep alone for a long time after that relationship.

Then there was a year of fun and sun. Working with my friends, partying with my friends. Sleeping with my friends. Ryan use to peek in every morning to see what girlfriend was sharing my bed that night. He teased me, saying that having sleepovers was my way of avoiding relationships. Maybe he was right. But I loved waking up next to a friend, laying in bed and giggling about the things that had happened the night before. On nights when I didn't go out I would creep into Ryan's room with two bottles of Mike's lemonade and an episode of Burn Notice and trick him into sharing his bed while we learned how to be spies from Mr.Michael Weston. I'd make a pillow wall down the middle of his bed, so that we'd get equal sides of the bed and that way Ryan couldn't try to steal more then his share. In the morning I'd wake up to a wall of pillows on top of me and Ryan diagonally across the bed.

The summer I lived with Lachelle we lived in the basement of a house with these teeny tiny little single beds. One week we were both sick and I remember crowding into her bed with her, drinking tea and comparing music. The two of us only fit in that bed if we were both on our sides, but we knew that we felt icky and that human touch can be as healing as nyquil sometimes.

Now there is The Boy. Our sleep schedules are not harmonious in the least. I'm on a mids shift, he's on graveyard. I adore and love our couch and could sleep on it every night. He hates the couch and loves the bed. Get this, he doesn't even like naps. What?! He has to sleep with a sheet tucked into all the corners of the bed, w/ two pillows, two more blankets on top of him and the air on freezing. I like to sleep with one soft blanket, wrapped between my legs with my feet sticking out over the bed and using only a third of my pillow. But I love falling asleep next to him.
Because of our schedules it doesn't get to happen that often.
When it does... it's a bit of a circus.
We have to sleep with two different blankets, so he can be tucked in and I can be free. Then one blanket over on top of our other blankets. We fall asleep sweetly. Then as the night progress, I wake up freezing cause he's stolen the top blanket. Or I wake up smashed into the wall because The Boy likes to.. spread.. out... A lot of the time I wake him up from yelling in my sleep and he has to wake me up and calm me down. So our sleep patterns are not exactly peaceful.
I still love it.

I've lived alone before. I've even lived with someone but felt alone.
But sleeping next to people is a joy and why I will probably always live with someone.

Because beds, and secrets, are meant to be shared.

Monday, October 18, 2010

I love you and you and you

Seven Things I Love About My Life Right Now:

My cozy little apartment. With my cozy little nest of a couch, the slew of movies and tv shows I need to catch up on, the dog that doubles as a throw rug and The Boy who stumbles around looking for caffine at the bright and early hour of 4pm.

The massive amount of music Tyr gave me. I mean massive. I get a little overwhelmed whenever I open my computer or look at my ipod. I've fallen in love multiple times in the last three weeks. I had almost given up on music... but I keep going back to it because I love it so much.

The Boy. Is it bad that he wasn't first? He'll deal. He's just a boy after all. A boy who makes me silly happy, who tickles me on the couch, plays with my hair absentmindedly while watching zombies eat brains and will argue with me about books but not much else. And, he fixed the kitchen lights without me saying a word. I mean, who does that?! And we play games of hide and seek with the oreos. Well at least I think it's a game. He hides them at my request so I don't eat the whole bag and then I tear apart the house looking for them. I eat three and then he hides them again for a few days. That's a game right?

My job. I feel so naive and young saying this... but I really love my job. When it's busy it gives me that daily dose of adrenaline that I crave. When it's slow I get to read a book, or be on the internet. WHICH IS AWESOME. And they pay me fantastic. There are days I'm stressed to the max but those days come with a shot of adrenaline so I still like it. I do work with mostly women, and so I'm terrified of the drama that floats to the surface of every week. I'm trying to keep my head down while still being friendly. It's a surprisingly hard line to walk. Lucky for me I took tightrope walking classes.

Books. Books. Books. I'm three books behind the boy still. And Liz let me go into Barnes and Noble without a proper chaperon. Which means I came home with six books and a lot less money. I figure they'll last at least two weeks.

Friends. All of you. Now that I've rejoined the social world my long lost friends are welcoming me back with open arms full of drinks. Or movies, or long conversations on the phone... You get the idea. The Boy and I are forced to rent a house come January specifically so that we can fit more friends under one roof. Between the nights out, the adventures and the chill conversations I haven't had time to do the basics, like grocery shopping. Although, let's be honest shall we? I'll do most anything to get out of grocery shopping.

Halloween!!!! Which doubles as my vacation. Not only am I going out of state, but I get to go on A PLANE. I love love flying. And Airports. I love them. You know how most girls feel about going shopping for expensive shoes or bags or whatever? That's how I feel about flying. and Airports. Oh Airports. Did I mention we're going out of state? Cause we're totally going out of state. It's kinda a family trip with his family but since we'll be in costume for halloween and drinking and eating all weekend it'll be great. Halloween and vacation all rolled into one?! Seriously be jealous.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

One Day More

My 25th birthday has come and gone.

It wasn't as traumatic as I feared it would be. I mean, I still feel my breathe catch, my stomach drop and my inner child burst into tears. But the actual day itself.. not too bad.

The weekend before was spent in a glorious haze. I spent each night with friends, who all politely pretended that the gathering was happenstance and not because of my impending birthday.

The actual birthday was lovely too. About three months ago I had mentioned to the boy that the perfume I had found in Ireland had finally ran out and I wanted to buy something new. Well, the sneaky Boy found the website for the tiny little store in Ireland, ordered a bottle and had it wrapped all pretty waiting for me. If I was the crying type I would have sobbed. Instead I squealed and hugged the boy until Bodhi freaked out and instead on being middle dog. He's good at middle dog.

Also lovely? All the birthday love my friends sent me. Since I wasn't fully acknowledging that it was my birthday, whenever I read a message instead of seeing "happy birthday" I read "your so pretty and thin and I love you". Which rocked. Cause who doesn't want to hear that? Much better then Happy birthday you old hag.

As you get older, the presents get less, but they become more meaningful. Like the perfume. Or my brothers all teamed up and bought me a kickass jacket. Tyr gave me so much music that my computer tried to throw it all up. Twice. My mother sent money to pay for all of us to go to dinner. I got a voicemail from my little sister and almost cried when I heard how much her voice sounds like mine. Presents don't just come in gift wrapped form.

I'm still kind of in denial about the age thing. I'm not ready for it yet, which is a whole other post. But for a nonbirthday... it was pretty awesome. I might even consider having another one.