Monday, November 18, 2013

Baby Steps

My birthday was last month.
Fix and friends surprised me with a trip to Disneyland.
Lots of fun was had by all.

With the onset of my birthday I decided to set some goals. Little goals. Easy, manageable goals.
1. Write twice a week
2. Take pictures and post them three times a week.
3. Lose five pounds.
4. Drink a green smoothie four times a week
5. Do something new once a week
6. Keep up with laundry ( because seriously, the laundry monster in our closet by the sea has legs and drops himself all over the apartment )

See? Easy goals. Totally doable.
Well. Let's just say I wasn't very successful. With any of the goals. (especially the laundry monster one, how do we have so many clothes?)
So I told myself that November, November I would get my shit together and start working on these simple, tiny little goals. Really, if I just remind myself and do a little at a time, how hard can it be?

Well, it's the middle of November and I've still yet to be in the habit of any of those things. ( well, I mean I do laundry, I know I put things in the washer, put them in the dryer and then hang them up but somehow there is always more laundry... lurking. I think it's multiplying when i'm not home).

But I'm not giving up. I can do this.
Except every time I sit down to write, I hit a wall.
I've always known I have a hard time writing when I'm happy. It all just feels to much like bragging. Or too fake, too disney. And it's been a really good year. And I've used that awkwardness I feel when writing about how happy I am as an excuse to just not write.

Which means that now do I not only have a year of experiences and thoughts and adventures that is missing (because really, this blog is more my journal than it is any type of platform for anything), but I also have kinda forgotten  how  to write.  I'd have this great thought, something I'd be able to form into a funny story, or a moving moment that I really wanted to record, but when I sat down to type... it would sound forced, contrived and all sorts of... eh.

So. Bare with me as I try to find my flow again. It might be bumpy and awkward for a bit.
It might not get better. But I'm determined to start writing again. Just for me.

Every few years or so I fall out of the habit of writing. The last time this happened I got back into the swing of things by first recording what my workout of the day was (I was doing P90X back then) and then would just write whatever came into my head next. Sometimes it was worth reading, a lot of the time it wasn't, but it helped get me back into the habit. And since losing five pounds is also on that list of goals, recording my workouts will force me to first do a workout in order to write about it. Two birds with one laptop. Err, Two goals with one stone. No. That's not right either. See? I need some practice.

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