It Don't Matter To The Sun...

An actor smiled your smile today.

Ambushed me.

I've been watching the show for a while now, and yeah, sure I noticed the resemblance.

But today, the angle of the camera shot and the way he flashed that smile...

My heart forgot to beat.

It was you.

I felt your loss for the first time in.... months? years maybe?
I can't pin point when I stopped thinking about you daily.

I just remember one day seeing a red car and only after it had passed did I realize that I had forgotten to peer intently at the driver. Who knows how many red cars had passed me with maybe you driving them.

I had stopped looking.

The actor stole your smile today.

Seeing it brought to life just how much time has passed.
How many things have changed.
I feel this unexplainable urge to find your number
tell you all the things that have happened since you last smiled at me.
My hair was short. I mean really short.
It's longer now, though not as long as it was when you last smiled at me.
Tyson and Travis both came home from South America.
My parents finally divorced.
I've moved. Again. Still no dog though.
I have tattoos, piercings, since you last smiled at me.
New jobs, new friends, new boyfriends.
My books have doubled in numbers, I found I like getting pedicures.
I've been camping, swimming, dancing and adventuring
And living.
I've been living.
Since you last smiled at me.

You were my first love. There's been others. It's been years. But you were my very first.

I saw your smile on the TV today.
I hope you're smiling where ever you are today.
I am.