Gems Found in Books

"Do you know the secret of the stones?" she asked as she reached into the stream.
"What secret is that?"
"If you hold it in your hand and listen to it, listen close enough it will tell you a story."
"What story did it tell you?'
"Once there was a boy who came to the water," she said. "This is the story of a girl who came to the water with the boy. They talked and the boy threw the stones as if casting them away from himself. The girl didn't have any stones, so the boy gave her some. Then she gave herself to the boy, and he cast her away as a he would a stone, unmindful of any falling she might feel."
"It's a sad stone then?"
"No, not sad. But it was thrown once. It knows the feel of motion. It has trouble staying the way most stones do. It takes the offer that the water makes and moves sometimes. When it moves it thinks about the boy"


It's hard not to love an author who understands the beauty, allure and isolation that comes from loving movement.

New favorite author? Maybe. Just Maybe

Dreaming Big

I've been making plans.
Wild plans.
Plans that I didn't think would see the light of day.

But it turns out that things are shaping up to be a perfect storm of oppertunity.
So many things falling in just the right places.
And Jess is just as foolhardy, adventures, wild and crazy as a girl could ask for.

I don't want to say anything yet. Don't want to jinx it.
But as soon as it stops being a dream and progresses to the planning stages
and it's almost there
I'll tell you all about it.

You'll be so proud.
And horrified
And maybe a little jealous

Is it the smart thing to do? Maybe not. But I've been smart for three years now. And I don't know if an oppertunity like this will come around again in the next ten years. Hell, I didn't expect it to fall into my lap, not at this point in my life. But the cliff is there... just waiting for me to jump. And for the first time ever, I have a partner who is willing to jump with me.

Theft

With slight changes...

Hey Andy and/or other musically gifted friends. Think you could update this song with less country and more blues/rockabilly for me. I'd adore you for ever if you could



I ain't never been with a man long enough
For my boots to get old
We've been together so long now
They both need resoled

If I ever settle down
You'd be my kind
And it's a good time for me
To head on down the line

Heard it in a love song [3x]
Can't be wrong

I'm the kinda woman likes to get away
Like to start dreaming about
Tomorrow, today
Never said that I love you
even though it's so
Where's that duffle bag of mine?
It's time to go

Heard it in a love song [3x]
Can't be wrong

I'm gonna be leaving
At the break of dawn
Wish you could come
But I don't need no man tagging along
I'll sneak out that door
Couldn't stand to see you cry
I'd stay another year if I saw teardrops in your eyes

Heard it in a love song [3x]
Can't be wrong

I never had a damn thing, but what I had
I had to leave it behind
You're the hardest thing
I ever tried to get off my mind
Always something greener on the other side of that hill
I was born a wrangler and a rounder
And I guess I always will

Heard it in a love song [3x]
Can't be wrong

An Ode to Little Miss

I was twelve when Sierra was born. I had to wait through four brothers before I finally got the little sister I had been asking for. Her timing was a little rough though. In order to bring her into this world mom had her first C-section and Dad had surgery on his back just days before. So I spent the first two weeks of her life holding her. With both parental units bedridden I was the one walking the floors with the newborn. I discovered that the giant exercise balls was perfect to sit on and bounce a crying baby while watching black and white movies. Looking back on it I realize two things. 1) that ball and constant bouncing is probably the reason Sierra will never suffer motion sickness. 2) I'm shocked I didn't kill us both with that ball.

I used to sing Sierra to sleep almost every night and to this day she is still the only one who knows just how awful my voice is. When I got home from dance practice I'd hold her in my arms and walk through the steps in the kitchen (tile makes spinning easier). And I watched Lion King over and over again with her while discreetly working on homework.

One night stands out clearly. Sierra was about one and a half, maybe two years old. I was trying to get her to lay down for the night. She had the giggles, was just plain slap happy. Her laughter was bright, happy and innocent and so very infectious. And just as suddenly she curled up in my lap and cashed out. I sat there with her against my chest for an hour, just holding her warm little body. I remember thinking, as long as she is happy and loves me... that's all I need in my life. I will have lived my life right if I can keep her that way.

Adults have been telling me since I was 19 that my biological clock will start ticking. Any day now. But what they don't understand is that I already raised my family. I already had my baby. And she's 14 years old and beautiful and sweet and smart as a whip. She's a swimmer and already swimming varsity even though she's a freshman.

Congrats on your first high school swim meet little squirt.

The Itch is Back

A few months back I asked Mr. Andy why he was finally ready to leave Utah.
He told he had realized that the type of girl he wanted to be with wouldn't be living in Utah.
And if she was in Utah then she would be just as unhappy as he was.
So if he was ever going to meet her... he had to leave.
And being the romantic that he is... he left.
I mean, sure he got a job first... but the point is... he left.


Work has been hell the last two days.
Busy and bloody.
I feel overwhelmed and energized by it.
A part of me wants to walk away.
I'm good at walking away

Part of me (who sounds suspiciously like Jocelyn) tells me to stay.
To keep being responsible and adult and make good decisions that will pay off eventually.

I hate that word.
Eventually.


I'm going for a run. A long hard hard that will wear me out and quell this restless feeling.
If I can't out run the demons then I'll go for a swim. And if that doesn't drown them... well then fuck.

Hmm actually that's not a bad idea

Waking Life

Sometimes I dream so vividly that I can't shake it when I wake.
I can't capture the strength of the dream, but indulge me

I dreamt that I called you. I had to tell you that I had met someone. You deserved to know. Even though we weren't together, even though there were no promises between us. You deserved to know.

You were silent for so long that I began to believe you had disconnected. That once again there would be nothing but silence to remember you by.

"Meet me at the high school. In ten minutes."
Click.

Suddenly I was standing outside the dark doors of the high school. Waiting for you. Not for long. You appeared as suddenly as I had. The way it often happens in dreams. I opened my mouth to explain, to make you understand. Instead of listening passively, you kissed me. Hard. Then, just as quickly you stepped back, threw a black hoodie at me and said

"You want to move on? Fine. Make it to the other side of the high school without me catching you, then I'll believe you when you say there is someone else. I'll let you walk away from this. From us.

But if I catch you, then no more of this nonsense. You stop holding back, stop finding excuses and stop fighting us. "

Without giving me time to process your words, You slammed your foot through the glass door, shattering it and pushed me into the dark and deserted school.

Whispering "Run"


The rest of the dream was more senses then visual. Running so hard my heart was pounding through the dream. Hearing the security alarm going off. The whole school dark, the layout familiar and strange at the same time. Somewhere in the back of my mind was the rationale part of me screaming about breaking and entry and felonies. But it was drowned out by the screaming of the alarm, the beating of my heart and the thrill of knowing you were also in the dark... searching for me.

I'm at a full sprint when your hands closed on my hips. You weren't even out of breathe.

The alarm stopped going off, and your voice whispered in my ear
"I don't run to train for marathons. I run so that when I have my chance with you, there is no way you can get away without me stealing every once of your breathe first."*

I woke up out of breathe

Vagabond Season

I've been very bad about writing.
That happens when I run about the country.
I don't think I ever wrote about my DC trip in May
Or the Idaho Wedding in June
Or the California day trip in July.
Or the beach house in July... oh wait, I did post pictures of that one.
I know I didn't write about my Seattle trip with Erin.

Sierra told me that the other night the family was saying a prayer before bed
and My brother who was praying at one point said
"and please watch over Sam, where ever the heck she may be"

Which currently is in Olympia Washington.
But yesterday was Seattle/Aurora
And two days before that was Huntington California.
And by Sunday will be Bainbridge Island.


I'm covered in scrapes and bruises. Both feet have blood blisters and regular blisters. My shoulders hurt from rowing. Yet I never feel so happy as I do when I'm on the road. When every day is a combination of spur of the moment decisions and luck.


Wanderlust: A strong innate desire to travel or roam about

For those of you who are visual learners...
A brief look of Seattle with Jess so far







This, this is a happymess