I was living with a boy.
All of my stuff was his stuff and all of his stuff was my stuff.
We shared a couch, a table, towels...but not books, never books.
Or computers, seeing as we each had brought our own into the relationship.
Then one night, after many nights of our relationship dancing in a burning room, he came home from work.
And I knew it was over.
"And you left him, just like that?
It's the only way to leave. "I don't love you anymore. Goodbye."
Supposing you do still love them?
You don't leave.
You've never left someone you still love?
I don't love you anymore. Goodbye
And I left. I packed one bag of clothes, my books and left.
I crashed at The Best Friend's house. Which morphed from crashing to living with.
Life was swell. I lived with The Best Friend, I had a well paying if boring job, and a new fabulous artsy unique bird-like friend named Mareena. Who also happens to be a lesbian.
Pay attention, this turns out to be important later.
I didn't end up going back for my stuff.
About six months later The Ex tracked me down and gave me the stuff that was more my stuff then his.
One of those things being my computer.
Which I didn't bother to every plug in or turn on, since I had been using the communial one the best friend provided.
Fast forward four months.
I'm moving to Hawaii.
I propose a swap with my mother, my barely used desk top for my mothers crappy laptop.
We make the trade without me ever turning on the computer.
Two days later
Me - Mom! Hi, I can't talk long, what's up?
Well intentioned Mother - Hi dear, I was just calling...to see how the packing is going.
Me - It's going it's going.
Mom - So, Sam, how's your little friend.. what's her name?
Confused Me - Mareena? She's great. Why?
Mom - Oh, no reason....
Mom - Sooo is there anything you want to tell me about Mareena? Cause you know I love you no matter what.
Me - ?
Mom - Well, cause I turned on your computer today and there's a whole bunch of umm viruses.
Me - Really? That's weird. It was clean when I last used it. What kind of virus?
Mom - Well, Umm.
Mom - Of girl on girl porn
Me - ....................
Turns out The Ex decided that porn viruses would be a great way to make me miss him and want him back.
Turns out he was wrong.
It's funny now.
I'm pretty sure my mother thought I was a lesbian for a year until I brought a new boy home.