Do I pick door #1, 2 or 3?

I'm conflicted.

I've finished a long twelve hour day of work. I have the rest of the night and all of tomorrow off. Then I work forty hours in the next four days.
So I need to make the most of tonight.

But I'm being pulled in two very separate directions.

Part of me wants an alone night. I want to put on boy shorts and a wife beater, with socks to keep my feet warm. I want to pull out my comfy chair onto the patio, light a few candles, turn pandora onto Kings Of Leon radio, pour myself a glass of red wine and lose myself in the written word. I want to revel in my loneliness. And when I'm a little too tipsy to follow one paragraph to the next, I'll switch out my book for the laptop. And type. Type with the abandon that comes with two glasses of wine on a mostly empty stomach. Write my thoughts, my dreams, disappointments. Maybe reveal a few secrets. Then, when the words start to slur and the screen starts to blur I'll switch the pandora to the Black Snake Moan soundtrack and have a private dance party in my living room. And when I'm glistening with sweat and joy, I'll curl up in the nook of my couch with my favorite blanket, the pup and a gallon of water.

That sounds lovely.


But the other part of me is aching for company. I want Liz and Jess to come over. We'll drink Sangria and watch Buffy and laugh to we cry. We'll make a fort out of my couch. Drink more sangria and watch more Buffy. And when the tv becomes blurry and our attention span shortened, we'll talk about how much we love each other and are so glad that we're friends. Only, I won't use the word love because I don't believe in it and that will lead to a discussion about what love is and whether it exists. And if it does exist, what makes it so elusive. We'll pass out gradually and The Boy will come home in the early morning to find us still passed out in our blanket fort.

Or

Have Ryan come over... we'll do shots of Jack. We'll turn up the music and dance. Have another shot. Talk/argue about music and whether or not Jack White is brilliant or insane. Another shot and that will lead to tattoo ideas, which will lead to someone (probably me) grabbing a sharpie and using it to draw on each other. Once every spare inch of skin is covered with would be could be tattoos and another shot taken, we'll take another shot to keep us warm and take the dog out of for a walk. We'll walk the streets and stalk the night while plotting the best ways to survive the zombie apocalypse. And when the sun comes up.. another shot to put us to bed.


So many choices... guess I better decide.

cheers, to a lovely night no matter what

Never Satisfied

Now that I am a dog owner I have a new list of wants/needs

Things I wish someone would invent:
1)A door opener that I can push from my car that opens my apartment door, guide the dog down three flights of stairs and straight to my car.
God I hate leaving my car to walk up three flights of stairs, greet the dog, put leash on the dog, walk back down three stories and convince the car to start again.

2)A retractable leash the dog can't chew through.
Yes I know they have chains, but the retractable leashes are sooo handy. I want both in one handy dandy leash.

3)An air conditioned dog park.
I hate the summer in Arizona.

4)Doggy daycare at the gym.
Hey, they do a baby daycare, so why not? I'm sure teenagers would much rather play with my dog then your crying,pooping baby.

5) An extra room that is just for dog food.
Seriously, I need a whole room. I hate buying/carrying dog food home. I always buy the biggest bag so it will last longer. Problem is I live on the third floor. So I end up carrying a sixty pound bag that is half of my body weight up three floors (have I mentioned the three f*&king stories yet?) while an over eager dog pulls on the only short leash he hasn't chewed through yet.

6) A doggy car seat.
I would take the dog EVERYWHERE with me if I could. I do take him most places. Often those places end up with him being muddy. Which I can't blame him, since I'm usually muddy too. However, I don't roll around the backseat on the way home. (well.. sometimes, but only if The Boy came with us). I've tried laying down a towel, but he's too active and it just ends up on the floor. My poor poor backseat.

7) A whistle that lets the dog know when to attack and when not too.
The dog is such a good guard dog that he tries to eat The Boy when he smacks my boy short underwear clad ass in the morning. Which was funny the first time. But a big part of The Boy and I's relationship is built on roughhousing. We are constantly wrestling. And I'd really like it if The Boy didn't lose his hand. So a whistle that lets him know when we are playing and when to attack... That would be awesome


8) A magic pill that makes my hair grow faster.
Ok, this isn't really dog related but I'm tired of my short hair and am pissed it won't grow faster. Why can't I have hair like Joanna's?!


Ok smart people. Get inventing!

A Story of Burning Bridges.

I was looking through old journal entries. Stuff from ages and lives past. When I stumbled on this...Well It's still too close too personal. But I want to share it.

And yes, you still enter my dreams unbeckoned on occasion.

This is a story of burning bridges
and allowing time to pass
this is a story of forgiveness
and breaking things in my hands
this is a story of understanding
you can't choose who you love
and this is a story of soft skin
and rats in the walls

well you can't just pass along
the pain that comes around
you'll go dizzy until you fall
and I know you didn't mean to let me down
but you let me down so hard

this is a story of loaded glances
and leaning in too far
this is a story of vague advances
and confessions in smoky bars
so now I am walking down the sidewalk
and I am singing to myself
and I'm going to leave it all behind me now
'cause I don't need this,
I just don't need this

and you can't...

these memories are talking and talking
and I'll do anything to shut 'em up
I've got the pillow over my head
but they won't stop
no, no they won't stop

some fantasies are never meant to be realized at all
and some regrets could be prevented
if you read the writing on the wall
oh and sometimes you say "you know nothing can happen"
and then she leans over and lifts off your glasses
and the next thing you know you're just tangled and guilty
and you've got a head full of liquor and perfume
oh and when did you leave me
and when did you find her
and tell me is this just what you wanted...

Once you get a Harley, you don't even need a relationship

Last weekend I checked off something on my before I'm thirty list.
I got my motorcycle license.
Ta da!

I signed up for a class with Team Arizona Ride, despite it's cheesy name. I paid a ridicules amount of money for three days of classroom and actual riding training that resulted in my motorcycle endorsement. I've been trying to find time to do this class for a year. So when I realized my classroom training for work would leave me with a rare Friday, Saturday, Sunday off I realized this was my chance. However, I may have over booked myself.

The Saturday before I worked a 12 hour day. Sunday I worked a 14 hour day. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I worked 11 hour days. Thursday was a bit of a break, meaning I worked 7 hours, then hightailed it over to the first section of my day. Which turned out to be more classroom. 4 hours to be exact.

We learned a lot about motorcycles. Which should have been interesting. Except the instructor was.. off. I'm not sure how to explain it exactly. He was in his sixties, kind of grandfatherly type. He obviously knew his stuff, and he made semi funny jokes throughout the class. It should have been bearable. It wasn't, it was painful. I spent about three hours trying to figure out why. Cause that's what I do. I finally decided he was lacking charisma. Which then lead to a very interesting thought process in my head about how someone becomes charsmatic. Which was was totally wasted because it was all in my head and not an actual conversation.

We had Friday off, then up bright and Fucking early Saturday for riding. See in Arizona it is freakin hot in the summer. So they figured making us wake up early we could maybe beat some of the heat. Luck for us it's monsoon season. Saturday morning was cloudy and cool. I rode a 250 Yamaha Star. It wasn't love, but she wasn't a bad choice for a weekend fling. Four hours of riding in that gorgeous weather... Even the awkward instructor couldn't ruin my day. What almost ruined my day? I had a bit of an accident. Just a teeny tiny one.

See we were learning quick stops. You know, in case a car turns in front of you suddenly. Well, I like going fast. The instructors had nicknamed me Speed Demon. Naturally I was practicing sudden my quick stops really really fast. After a few decent stops, I tried to stop even faster. And I did. All the instructer could say was wow. My ego swelled. So my next one... well I was going for the record. What I got was my front tire wobbling and me and the bike skidding on the asphalt.
Since I'm writing this, obviously I'm fine. I got a little road rash on my arm, a giant bruise on my inner thigh and knee. More seriously was the damage done to my favorite pair of jeans and boots.
Oh, and the bike was fine. Not even a scratch on her. Guess I broke her fall.

But then we went in for more classroom training. Believe it or not, it got worse. The instructor would explain something. Then we would read about it from our manuals. Then we would a video that would explain it again. At this point the euphemism wore off and angry "I've gotten up too early too many days in a row" Sam came out. I spent four hours trying to blow up the instructor with my mind. I swear if I had thirty more minutes I would have accomplished it.
Instead I took a written test, missed two questions and passed for the first part of my license.

Sunday, day three. Five hours of riding. Then a "celebration of our knowledge". Also known as a test.
I wasn't nervous about the test, aside from the quick stop failure, I had been riding really well yesterday. I climb onto the bike and suddenly my stomach drops. Everyone else is starting up their bikes and I'm frozen. It was a really bad time to realize that my fall the day before had scared me more then I thought.
There was about ten seconds where I honestly didn't know if I could finish out the day. Or start out the day.
Thank Hera I'm stubborn.
I started up my bike.
The first exercise was U Turns.
Do you know how freaking hard U Turns are?
They are freaking hard.
Especially if you had fallen the day before.

I nearly failed the class right there.
Thank Hera I'm stubborn.

I made it through the day. I got over my fear, passed the rest of the exercises perfectly.

Those of us who passed were herded into the classroom to fill out paperwork. The instructor handed out our endorsements one by one. He must have gotten the whole trying to blow him up with my mind vibe because he made me wait very last. Which didn't earn my love.
But I finally received my paperwork.

Now I just need a motorcycle.

Man's best friend? Sam's best friend

I'm one of those people now.
The boy and I have had Bodhi for about a month now.
I wouldn't say that my life revolves around him.. but I'm not too far away from it.

I take pictures of him. A lot.
The whole "no getting up on the couch" rule... lasted 2 hours. However it was The Boy who invited Bodhi onto the couch that first time. Not me.
Now we take naps together. The three of us.
There was a huge storm last week. I fell asleep on the couch while The Boy watched TV. I woke up to Bodhi sleeping between us, like the little kid who crawled into his parents bed cause he got scared.
Ahhh

I love taking him hiking. Or just taking him on walks. Especially with the summer monsoons. A friend of mine likes to enjoy the storms by sitting on his porch with a cigar and his book. Me? I love walking into the heart of it with Bodhi obliviously sniffs the ground.

And he is oblivious. Completely soo. My poor dog isn't very good at being a dog. He thought he was a bunny when he was a puppy, and it clearly shows now that he's 2 1/2 years old. Bodhi is an Australian Shepard. He's very good at herding. The first time I took him running with The Boy and I, he kept cutting off The Boy from getting ahead of me. But he is not a hunting dog. When we go on walks, he sniffs the ground, but I'm fairly positive that he doesn't know what he's smelling, or even where to smell. He just kind of walks around with his nose on the ground and then will suddenly stop so people will think he found something. But he doesn't smell obvious places, like trees or fire hydrants. In fact, he doesn't even pee on trees or fire hydrants.
It's ok, I love him anyways.

We also love going to the dog park. And I do mean We.
Bodhi runs around the dog park, kinda like the slow kid. He has a lot of fun, but is clearly socially slow. He just doesn't really know how to interact or play with other dogs. But he likes other dogs, so he'll run up to a dog he's interested in, and then freeze with just his tail wagging. They'll do the whole sniff each other greeting and then the other dog will try to play with him. And Bodhi just keeps standing there, frozen. Maybe if I keep bringing him to the dog park he'll eventually learn. Or maybe I'll have to put him into a special school or something.

He doesn't care too much for the size of the apartment. But then neither do I. He knows the difference between his ball and his rope. And no, that's not a euphemism. And when I'm getting ready for the day he'll take his rope in his mouth, then toss his head really hard, which sends the rope flying a few feet. Then he'll run to it and pounce on it. Basically he's playing fetch with himself. My smart dog. He chews the shit out his rope, which means there is string all over my apartment. But he doesn't chew on furniture or dig threw the couch, so I'm mostly ok with all the string.

So yeah, I'm one of those people now. My dog is my baby. I take pictures of him. We go get ice cream together (diet? what diet? Oh hello 2 extra pounds..), we cuddle on the couch while watching So You Think You Can Dance (don't judge me). We both give The Boy puppy dog eyes when we want to go outside and he wants to watch tv.

And within the next five years, he'll hike the Appalachian Trail with me.